Saturday, July 03, 2010
It's been a long time since I made a new post. So many things happened, Graduation from Ngee Ann Polytechnic, finding a job in CPG Facilities Management, attending Asia Conference and lastly the struggle of applying into a degree programme that would pave my future career.. So far, I guess it was really the touch of God that really mould me into being more christ like.
Recently, I've been trying to quit smoking, which I failed miserably for over umpteen times. Incidentally, I got to hear the song "My life, My song" by CHC. One of the lyrics hit my heart with the phrase
"Let all earthly crowns, fade in the shadow of the cross"
As the song played on, I recollected lots of memories. How I decided to study hard when I was given a second chance to resume my poly. studies, the 1st time I successfully quit drinking, the 1st time I successfully root and commit to the Christ I've believed in all my life. And finally finally FINALLY! I can declare proudly that I've quit smoking, that I could continue to reach new heights as I grow closer to God.
All the above mentioned were all major turning points and resolves I've made during the past few years. Every single 1 of them, I could not emphasize how excruciatingly painful it was during the phases of change. Through it all, I have to admit there were more tears of sadness then of laughter, after all we are living a reality, and not through a drama script or a fantasy story. For me, I have learned that laughter and joy can never fully fill the void in me. It was really during the moments where I felt God being my only company while I undergo the storms of life, that I felt I've found true peace in the heart. Like how Jesus had a peace of heart during the storm at sea, I believe I got a mild taste of it...
I'm human, I have flaws too, I would feel lonely when I see couples walked by, I too, would undeniably seek God to soothe that void. I would occassionally question God if he had set me to be a bachelor for life, lol.
I guess, it's a matter of walking with Him through the trials of life. To grow progressively and act accordingly through Christ. Really it is not about what I want anymore, but to let Father God know my needs, and obey fervently. I guess, this could be my resolve through the walk of life.
posted @ 7/03/2010 03:53:00 AM
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Sunday, May 02, 2010
Wokeup from stress this morning, it has been numerous times waking up scared, thinking I have not graduated from poly, and receiving my diploma. Thank God for his calmness, for his grace... for his everlasting mercy.
I'll have to admit, I'm good at putting a strong front, maybe too good. I understand that I've issues to workout, primarily insecurity, fear and past hurts.. But I'll always be reminded of God's grace, that I can be small, but greater is the God that dwells with me every single moment from the day I was born.
My Elohim, El-Shammah, El-Jireh and last but not least, my El-Rapha. O God, how great are You? How merciful are you? Always being my God of second chances, from my studies, to giving me a second, or even third chance in life, literally or otherwise.
It's been a crazy ride in life, meeting so many different acquaintances, and having the honor to become the best of friends with some of em'. And that I know you have only started working in my life, and I know, I know, the best is yet to come!
posted @ 5/02/2010 04:56:00 AM
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Monday, January 18, 2010
Neverending breeze of the starless night blows passed my face
With my cuppa, a yearn, a wonder.
An oh so familiar spiritual warmth that seem threaten of leaving
When I know I know, that I always cling so dearly, that I hold.
With reminisce so strong, that I worry it'll place a regret
In a future that might be paved in fame and glory.
Of which, a place in my heart, holds for simple living.
Where passion and love resides
posted @ 1/18/2010 10:55:00 PM
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Today, spoke to my lecturer regarding my prospects, and what route I should take after achieving my diploma. Basically, get a mechanical engineering degree, and persue a career as a sales engineer, or alternatively fuel engineering or as a project manager. After that, work like a dog for 4-5 years, get a capital and open a cafe(sideline maybe). Because of that, if I could not get into a local recognized university, I might need to go UK to study. Initially it sounded cool, and it didn't matter much to me. But I've never traveled for over 12 years, it might be a culture shock for me. Leaving everything I have in Singapore, my brothers, my spiritual family, my church, the familiar environment...
I'm not worried study wise though, after going through 3 years in poly, I know for a fact I can get good grades in something I have no interest in. The irony of putting my passion in studying engineering, when the dream behind it is FnB' related.
All that's been said, somehow, it leaves me with a heavy heart, a sour feeling inside me just thinking of it.
Feeling perplexed and for some reason, sad.
What am I to do?
posted @ 1/18/2010 10:30:00 PM
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Monday, January 11, 2010
Love, a strong positive emotion of regard and affection. During my teenage years, I'm sure like with many others, would go through stages of lovelorn, or to be more precise, some form of loneliness.
These days, hitting my mid 20s (oh how i hate to admit it) this love have develop into a form of appreciation of it. Love for God, brothers, friends, needy, me. Somewhere along the way I lost the true appreciation for the love of my own relatives and family. Because of the way I was brought up? That I do not have an answer for.
Is this maturity? Maybe. True form of maturity differs from individual to individual. One thing for sure, this was not something I'd expect. I thought maturity was something you just show others, contrary, it does not seem to be the case.
Well, I do think about how it'll be a dream having my other half. But in the world we are living in, where divorce numbers doubled over the last decade, with the hit of the worst financial crisis since the late 80s (early 90s?), could we afford to follow fully by what our emotion wants? To summarise, there's a lot of commitments needed in a relationship, not just love. Even if all that's been mentioned revolves around love.
Personally, lovelorn as a teenager have matured like Cadbury milk chocolate into the savory of bitter-sweet dark chocolate.
posted @ 1/11/2010 09:18:00 PM
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Friday, December 18, 2009
Despite all the years, I have never once gone for makeup cellgroup. Many excuses come to mind, pointless, don't know anyone, inconvienient etc. But I thank God for giving me the honor and privelege to attend MingJing's Cell. Even though it was Thanksgiving makeup cellgroup, somehow, I don't feel I learn any lesser today then any other days. Gradually, I felt the holy spirit pointing me towards Mingjing
"Look, this is the man whose body is weary, but filled with the spirit"
Upon closer observation, I was kinda taken aback. He really look weary, looking way older then what his actual age is. But when he smile, I felt warmth of joy in his heart, that against it all, a heart of thanksgiving. Short simple message, personally I felt it was routine. But the true message for me at the end of the day was hidden in that face of his. Behind the smile on his face, behind that loud booming voice that keeps the cellgroup alive. It seems to say, "Even when the burden is heavy and the route is long, I shell lift all my good and bad days to you. Thanking you for all my days in the past, the present and the future."
Being myself, I didn't speak much, apart from offering him a lift. Even though he politely decline the offer, I guess he knew I really wanted to help him then. After exchanging smiles and bidding small goodbyes, I head off home, thanking God for the living example that portray his teachings.
posted @ 12/18/2009 09:58:00 PM
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Monday, December 14, 2009
Christ through faith
I talked to a cat the other day
And he was like;
"Man I really wanna come to Christ
But I gotta clean my life up first, get my sins together"
I told em, I used to think that way too
I thought I had to change myself before I could come to Christ
But Christ changed me
Let me tell you my story, it starts like this
It's 5:46 in the mornin', tossin' and turnin'
Chest burnin', sermons in my head keep reocurrin'
Havin' visions in my head of a kid
Cryin' at the feet of the Father, for all the wrong things that he did
Now I'm sweatin' in my sheets can't sleep
My mind keeps tellin' me I'm six feet deep
Don't remind me, even though I'm still alive I can't tell
The way I'm living my life I feel I'm going to hell
God they telling me I should accept you
That you had to leave the world, cause the world left you
Reason I can't change, like a mystery to me
So I make believe there really is a heaven for a G
Even though they say you loved the world so much, you shed ya blood
God I feel I'm too messed up for love
They tell me come as I am but I smell like smoke
My whole lifes full of sin cause it's all I know
The bible told me that you died for my sins
If I believe in Christ, it'll save me from the end
But I'm scared to ask you, to save me my heart
So evil, I got thoughts, that's full of hatred hurtin' people
I thought at first I had to clean up my life
Now I'm hearin' I just need to cling to the light
I'm ready to do it, but Lord I pray you understand
My life is a mess, will you take me as I am
Will you take me as I am
I know the way I'm living is wrong
But I can't change on my own, trying to make it alone
I wonder, how could you love me when my life so ugly
But you came down and died for me
Will you take me as I am
I know the way I'm living is wrong
But I can't change on my own, trying to make it alone
I wonder, how could you love me when my life so ugly
But you came down and died for me
Will you take me as I am
I'm sick and tired of trying to me the man, my daddy never taught me to be
I'm grown up now, life ain't what I thought it would be
I made many mistakes in my past I can't fix
Now I'm staring at this crusifix tatted on my wrist
Is it true what they telling me, am I just crazy
Did ya bleed on the cross, for my sins to save me
But why would ya die for me
My whole life I've been working for Satan, while He fed lies to me
And now I'm hearing too much, trying to get a true touch
Of a love that can change me, I'm all screwed up
Figure Hell is what I deserve
But your word says we all fall short so I guess we all outta burn
Teach me I wanna learn
How you could save a wretch like me, before death says it's my turn
I think I finally understand
No matter my past, you'll still take me as I am
Will you take me as I am
I know the way I'm living is wrong
But I can't change on my own, trying to make it alone
I wonder, how could you love me when my life so ugly
But you came down and died for me
Will you take me as I am
I know the way I'm living is wrongBut I can't change on my own, trying to make it alone
I wonder, how could you love me when my life so ugly
But you came down and died for me
Will you take me as I am
My father had a few last words to give
I be telling people the reason to live
The reason to die, united with the King in the sky
This life is passing us by, I got no reason to lie
You'll never give the world enough, they'll hunger for more
They figure there ways are nuthin to the wonderous lord
More security than the man that left you
More love than the moms who kept you
He'll always accept you
Be everything your supposed to
Let Christ rule ya heart, mind, body and soul cause He chose you
And if the world don't know you
It don't matter you're Gods child and he'll never disown you
Ya purpose on earth is far from worthless
That's why ya glorified like ya life's been purchased
And it don't matter if the world don't seen us
We still mean the world to Jesus
Will you take me as I am
I know the way I'm living is wrong
But I can't change on my own, trying to make it alone
I wonder, how could you love me when my life so ugly
But you came down and died for me
Will you take me as I am
I know the way I'm living is wrong
But I can't change on my own, trying to make it alone
I wonder, how could you love me when my life so ugly
But you came down and died for me
Will you take me as I am
Yeah, we're saved by grace through faith
It's not works
Ain't nuthin you can do, ain't nuthin I can do
That could get us this grace salavation that we got man
It's only Christ
So if you feel like you gotta clean yourself up
Before you can come to Him
Forget it
Just come to Him
He'll take you as you are, and he'll change YOU
From the inside, out
posted @ 12/14/2009 09:55:00 PM
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Friday, December 04, 2009
It's been another week of school, full of projects and studies. Worry started to set in over last minute revisions as project is eating into all my time, regardless time or energy. However, this week I've been able to listen and read the bible everyday, a gradual process over the weeks, and the rewards are starting to reap forth.
Sure, school have been tougher, I'm getting less sleep and here and there, might get into senseless worrying. But I thank God that I'm no longer a weekend christian. Apart from studying, I've been listening to the Audio Bible every single moment, even during my meals, lol. Always reading His Words, always looking forward to probe deeper into the bible, wanting to learn more and more about Christ, about my Father. Everyday, living with peace in my heart through his words. Comforted and thankful for everything I had to go through, good AND bad; because they made me the person I am today. All the experience I carry, that I could use them to relate with the people of the world; hopefully I have enough to get them saved.
Despite going at my own pace, I'm surprised I covered so many books, and seriously it's at my own leisurely pace. Genesis, Exodus, Chronicles, Ezekiel, Acts, Revelation, so on and so forth..
Just gonna share my 2 cents worth of what I read and how it brought me closer to God.
Moses
A man whom I can imagine, always full of "What Ifs" and "Hows", that even irritated God! A man who have bad communication skills with people. But God made use of this Old Man after he fled from Egypt to the land of Midian. I think even Moses could not imagine the kind of trials he had to go through. Mustering the courage to go against the King Of Egypt. The descipline needed to travel thru and frou from Mt. Sinai. The heartbreak he had seeing the Israelites worshipping the Golden Calf. Last but not least, as he travelled through the wilderness, he was responsible for all the Israelites that was brought out of Egypt.
To be honest, he is not your ideal leader, I dare say the most of us got better traits then him. But God chose him because he was fearful of the Lord, and love Him ever so deeply. Throughout his life, he persevered and cling all he had on the promise and calling of God. An imperfect man with a great destiny.
Ezekiel
How God spoke to Ezekiel along the Kebar River; later revealing the siege of Jerusaeleum. Reading on, seeing the vision of the temples in Jerusaeleum, being filled with worship, not to God, but to idols. I'm summarising everything but if anyone read this book properly, you can really imagine how tolerant God was, how mad he had felt, and ultimately understanding he still love his children. However, because of their foolishness, the wrath of God became inevitable.
Why were the Israelites so blind? Didn't God bring the Isralites out of Egypt through Moses? Didn't their elders see miracles of manna and the opening of the Red Sea? Why do they want to break God's heart like that! After further thoughts.. I realised how damned and sinful the world really is right now. Apart from saying we deserve it; really, I thank God for the blood of Christ that those who believes and abides in Him are save. Suddenly I remembered close relatives and friends of which do not acknowledge God. I felt a tear in my heart and wept bitterly.
John
Carrying on, I read about the life of John, Jesus' Disciple. Especially after Jesus ascension, how he continued to have a heart of God, getting countless number of people saved. Regardless being locked up in Patmos,he was not only being respected by the prisoners, but even the guards too!
What touched my heart was the righteousness and love he had for the people. Even at an old age, and still a captive in Patmos; John showed love and tended the wounds of the hurt and gave the meagre food he had to the hungry.
Well, I could go on and on, how John had visions of Revelation, how I came to see and understand revelation at another level; How I got encourage as I read about John the baptist.... These are really great men, warriors of God. I do not dream having myself to be on par with them, but at least I pray with the little time I'm alloted from God in this world, may I abide in Him, fulfilling all the callings left in my lifetime. That I could do enough to make my Father Proud.
posted @ 12/04/2009 10:32:00 PM
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