Saturday, October 31, 2009

Today's service was superb. After the word given by Pastor Kong, when we prayed, felt this unexplainable "home"liness from God. More then just a friend, more then just a Father, more then just a lover, it's something that penetrates so deep inside, there's really no words to explain it.

It's been a long time, really really long. But I've never felt God speaking to me like that since the time I was in CHC at Paya Lebar. I was asking God for a message, one I could depend on, meditate on, and to reassure. He said, "Pray for the multitudes". Went on praying and praying, thinking bout my accounts I had with God. Recalling the 1st dream I ever had that's related to Christ. Then recalling how he gave me strength to stretch my faith and discipline to another level while he watched over me.

Suddenly I received, or so I think, a revelation. As I imagine myself putting all my dreams in an offering pit, those which I accomplished, and somewhat regret; and those of which I've always wanted to complete, but never did. Suddenly God spoke to me. "Break your dreams." "Break your dreams so that you could mend the broken dreams of others." God be my witness I never makeup anything written here this very moment. Suddenly flashes of my spiritual struggles I had, lonely times crying out to God, praying fervently as a drunk for a friend, staring out; lost without an aim in Jurong East CHC when I was nearing O levels years years back. All with 1 similarity, shattered, torn dreams, like torn silk satins soak in mud and dirt, trampled upon on the floor. Realising a flawless person will never be able to win lost souls. Why do I make such a bold statement? Reason being a flawless person can never relate to the people of the world. Like how Joseph got sold as a slave to Egypt by his brothers, Joseph never blamed his brothers, but understood that it was God that led him to Egypt, to save the country whom would go through 7 years of famine later on. That was why all those trials and tribulations occured, or had to occur.

Relating that to my life, a broken relationship with mum, being a broken person whom tried all ways to be christ like, unfortunately for all the wrong intentions, at times, wrong mentality; my lifetime worth of backsliding before the recent comeback, my secret sins, smoking, clubbing, druinking, pubbing, and more of which I can't say here as some might be too ghastly, maybe even explicit. Whatever it is, instead of how I'd mope about it week after week crying to God why and to give me strength, I Thank God for ALL that has happened. Really! For it takes a broken man to mend broken dreams, and this I believe tentatively, is my calling.

Lots of meditation, prayer and studying of the bible would be needed to affirm this revelation I had. To be sure it's all from God. But after 20 over years, I have NEVER felt God this way, never in my past spiritual prime did my experience with God shoot to such a height. Can't wait to make time and do quiet time etc. Gradually, and hopefully soon, would want to start fasting for the revelation given by God. To know what are his other plans in my life.

posted @ 10/31/2009 11:57:00 PM

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